Forgiveness is NOT...

After the side effects of abuse and abandonment I learned that I needed professional counseling to teach me how to cope and deal with what had happened to me growing up. Although I stayed close to my savior, I still struggled with problems like not fully trusting others, not forgiving, but mostly I needed to stop blaming "men" for all the tragedy in the world. I even found myself starting to become very judgemental of my husband and created expectation of him that he couldn't live up to. My perception was a little skewed and it needed fixing. I have been to many professional counselors, but the one who had the most impact on me was a Doctor who specialized in Family Relations who was also an LDS Bishop. He taught me many things like understanding what forgiveness really is. He wanted me to take notes and write exactly what he said because it was important. Here's what he said...

FORGIVENESS IS NOT:

1. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting
2. Forgiveness is NOT excusing bad behavior
3. Forgiveness is NOT trusting.
4. Forgiveness is NOT having a relationship

I learned that I can fully forgive my Father and others who have hurt me, but I do NOT need to forget about it. I do NOT excuse bad behavior and I will NOT trust him again. But most importantly I do NOT need to have a relationship with him. I have learned that it's okay to walk away especially if it involves abuse. I found peace in knowing that I have overcome this and so can you. You might think it's impossible at first, but try to take it day by day and I promise it will get better and easier.

Some of my favorite quotes on forgiveness are:

"Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." -Unknown

"You may be carrying a heavy burden of feeling injured by another who has seriously offended you. Your response to that offense may have distorted your understanding so that you feel justified in waiting for that individual to ask forgiveness so that the pain can leave. The Savior dispelled any such thought when He commanded: …‘I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men’ [D&C 64:10].”

-Richard G. Scott

xoxo -Mormon Girl